Kim Jong-hyun, my angel idol in the sky

Today, I miss you a little extra...

Today I want to apologize to my readers because I can't be funny, I can't be sarcastic and I can't be lovey-dovey... 

Today my blog is my journal and I want to share with you how I feel...

Even though the world seems to carry on

without you,

my clock stopped the day you left.

💔💔💔

My dear angel idol,

I miss you a little extra today... I needed to write you this letter. Of course I wish you were here. I would have tagged you on Instagram and let my friends do that too. Do you know why? Because I want you to know that you are loved beyond measures, beyond angels and adjectives. But all I can do now is write here and empty my heart out, hoping you're in that happy place listening to me and to the words I always wanted to tell you.

"You are enough my angel." because those are the words you have always wanted to hear... I will tell you a thousand times, "You are enough."

You will hear me nag a little bit now because I am mad at you, you know. Why aren't you here? I know! I know you will say I am selfish, I am yelling at you but I am mad at myself too... You are in a happy place now and I am standing where you left me. How am I going to make sense of all this? 

Why does heaven need you more than I do? How is it fair that you saved me while no one could ever save you? 

My baby angel, my brightest star in the sky.

You know I stopped writing for a bit because Tini (My sweetest cutest friends who loves you more than you know) texted me just now, she had an accident but she is okai, okai? She told me to tell you that you did so well. See? We (Shawols) are all telling you this. She's so proud of you and everything you have accomplished. She misses you so bad! And she told me as I always tell you, "we shall meet again because we haven't got the chance to meet you here on earth." Maybe in the next life :) and the life after that? And in each and every lifetime? 

It always begins and ends somewhere, except you, you are my forever idol. With you, there is no beginning and no end.

My most heartbreaking moments were when I saw you cry.

💔💔💔

My fondest moments were when I saw you smiling and thought to myself, 

"my angel is smiling today, I am relieved."

 Click the link below to see "My beautiful angel"

My brightest star in the sky

Thank you, my angel, for your music, for your voice that soothed my heart, for all the lonely days when all I had to comfort me was your music. Thank you for saving me. You were there when no one could understand me and music was my only haven.

Thank you for leaving those videos and photos so that I can have the sense that you never left.

People who believe that capturing moments and taking photos are unimportant should wait until they are the only thing left.

My angel, I adore you.

Until we meet again...

I can't pick a favorite song for my Jonghyun 

but this one owns my heart

So Goodbye - Jonghyun

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Cosette Awad Author

Photos source: Pinterest

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